Watchmen Joke

       Heard joke once: Man goes to doctor. Says he's depressed. Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone in a threatening world where what lies ahead is vague and uncertain. Doctor says "Treatment is simple. Great clown Pagliacci is in town tonight. Go and see him. That should pick you up." Man bursts into tears. Says "But Doctor... I am Pagliacci."

Farmer Brown's Cows

Farmer Brown has a huge problem; he has three cows who he had named; Karen, Kable, and the smallest of the three Kami. Farmer Brown knew that there was something about the three of his cows that made them stick out from the other farm animals. Karen who didn’t have a care in the world, she would lay in the meadow listening to her iPod while Farmer Brown would milk her.

                Kable, who was the wealthiest of the three, would sit in the grass counting his large mountains of money while Farmer Brown milked him. As for Kami, she would never be milked, she was minus an utter. Because Kami wasn’t able to be milked she would sit in the barn and play video games on her laptop.

                Farmer Brown’s cows were cherished to him, but they felt otherwise. They thought that Farmer Brown was being too harsh on them. So they asked their great friend the one and only chicken in the entire farm; Nick.

Nick told them that he got to roam around and do whatever he wanted by simply ignoring what Farmer Brown told him. Nick told the three cows that all they had to do to feel appreciated is to not do what is asked of them and they will get more attention than ever. So they did what the chicken told them.

For many weeks Farmer Brown didn’t get any milk from any of the cows. Karen, Kable, and Kami knew that what Nick had told them was working but they also noticed sadness coming from Farmer Brown. Kami had told Karen and Kable about a website that she found that told said that if the cows don’t give milk than they will lose the farm and Farmer Brown will be very upset.

After a few more weeks of ignoring Farmer Brown, Farmer Brown became very upset and began to yell at the cows a lot. Although the cows were getting the attention they always wanted they knew that this was not the attention that the chicken Nick had told them about. This was far worse than what the chicken Nick had said.

After a few more days the three cows watched from the barn has a long black limo pulled up to Farmer Brown’s drive way. A man in a black suit stepped out of the driver seat of the car, and began to walk to the end of the limo and opened the door for an older woman to step out of the limo. She used as a cane to keep her balance as she slowly approached the farmer.

Although the cows didn’t hear what the woman had said to Farmer Brown they knew that it wasn’t good. Farmer Brown had a few tears pour down from his eyes as he pointed towards the barn. The old woman began walking toward the barn. She had the driver open the door and saw the three cows who stood in the center of the barn.

The weather quickly changed from a bright summer’s day to a hard rain as lightning flashed scaring the cows causing them to tremble to their knees. The woman pointed to Kable as the driver grabbed the cow by the bell that hung around his neck, and pulled away from the other two. Kami had begin to cry at the sight of Kable being taken away, but then Arleen the wise goat walked into the barn and saw what was being done to the other farm animals. Outraged the goat began to dash toward the driver and hit him down to the ground with her mighty horns. The woman quickly turn to the farmer was quickly chuckling at the man who sat in the dirt.

The woman began to walk back toward Farmer Brown she seemed to be warning him about something but then she whistled to the driver as he got up and ran to assist the woman with her door. Once she was in the driver shut her door and got into the driver’s seat and drove away leaving a cloud of smoke and dirt.

The farmer walked into the barn and hugged all of the animals, including Nick the chicken who began to blush. The other animals laughed at Nick’s blushing but he tried to hide it by turning his away and acting muscular. Farmer Brown told the cows that if they didn’t give him the milk that he desperately needed than they would lose the farm and they would have to go and live with that horrible woman.

About a month later the woman came back to the farm and swung her door open with her own hands and quickly walked toward the farm where Farmer Brown sat on the stack of hay milking Kami. The woman saw what was happening and a small grin appeared on her face, just as quickly as she came she left and told the driver to drive away.

As they drove away the old woman turned back and waved to Farmer Brown who was lifting two buckets of milk. The woman turned toward the front and sunk down into her seat as a smile came across her face, her smile was ear to ear and she began to laugh at her happiness.

The woman never spoke to Farmer Brown after that day but everything went back to normal, only this time Kami was giving the most milk out of all the other cows. Even Nick was laying more eggs than before bring in more profit for Kable to add to his money piles.

The End

Man of Ice

The cold breath slowly approaches,
It's cold howl gets stronger and stronger,
The woodland creatures go and hide from it wrath,
The bears slowly fall asleep hoping that the cold breeze wont disturb them while they slumber,
The white wolves come to get this man of ice,
Slowly its cold presences causes everyone to be afraid,
As it knocks on your window, you refuse to answer,
You know that weather you answer or not it will not leave for months to come,
It came after you had the great feast of turkey and ham and potatoes,
But this is not one you can throw away like the scraps of the turkey,
No, this one you must face on your own,
The children refuse to listen to their parents as they warn them about his horrid wrath,
But he has promises of fun and snowmen,
It was only then that you looked into his cold eyes and remembered your fun times with this being,
Slowly you step into your boots and enjoy your self with your children and family,
But the man made of ice still lurks, waiting for his attack...

A Not so Perfect World

Sweat drips as the men and women carry their bags full of weights, full of iron and rocks one can only dream that this world had never made the wrong turn. With their small earpieces they are being forced to wear, every twenty seconds a small beeping sound will go off cause some to lose their mind, others are lucky, they would only get a large headache. When everyone must be the same, there is always the one person who questions; Why. But when even the hero must do and act like everyone else, how does he know that he will become the hero. Unfortunately the majority of heroic stories end with someone dyeing. “Harrison Bergeron” by Kurt Vonnegut Jr. the same must happen to many people who only wanted to be different. Harrison Bergeron was someone who wanted to be different; he paid the ultimate sacrifice for his freedom. Although Harrison was not taken capture, he was forced to be the same as everyone else, he too had his bags of weights that he carried on his shoulders and his ear piece that you can only imagine annoyed him so much. Harrison was taken from his parents; Hazel and George, at the age of fourteen. Although Harrison had become a tall, strong young fellow he knew that what was happening around him was wrong. There is a book that I can’t quite remember what is called, but I do remember that it is a very interesting read, it is the heroic story of when a small town decided to do everything the exact same, the men would wear the same clothes, the women would wear the same dress, this was not a perfect world. But one day a hero rose and began to question why they were doing what they did, why did they all decide that it would be best to do everything the same, where did the old people go? (What was this book called?) I digress, but if an only a child could become the hero of this town than I’m sure an older man named Harrison Bergeron could as well. Only later did the woman who caused all this chaos stop the non-believers in a ballerina show, such grace and beauty the ballerina’s have, but when they too decide to remove their weight bags, they also begin to float away…

The Men in The Black Leather Suits

"The year was 2081, and the geeks who were still obsessing over "Star Trek" were having another fake fight out in the court yard. The largest of the five seemed to be driving the ship, he had the same hair as Jeffery Hunter (Christopher Pike) he appeared to be yelling something I could fully understand, but I did know that whatever he was saying he was saying to the Asian who was playing Spock. They had made a life sized battle ship from the original show but it was made out of cardboard so they couldn't go inside of it. I watched from my balcony.

 The more I watched the more I laughed at the chumps with their fake guns and cardboard people they had set up and would shoot at, only when they were shot they would have to walk over and knock them over. One of them was shot by the cardboard people; they really were getting into their fake battle considering that they ever used fake blood if they were shot. As marvelous as it was they all stopped, only then had I realized that it wasn't fake blood. I began to walk backwards into my house where I would call the hospital for help. I closed the balcony door before I had turned around.

Bad move number: 1. Once the doors were closed I turned around only to find that there were eight men, all wearing black leather body suits, and hockey masks so I couldn't tell who they were. But they all were incredibly muscular. I began to worry for myself only when one of them put their index finger over his lips telling me to be quite. They quickly and swiftly moved around me, they cracked open the balcony door and slowly approached the balcony. The first made some sort of sign with his hand that the other seven me could clearly understand, I however had no idea what it meant. Without words they were speaking to one another using only their hands, but it wasn't sign language either. I knew a little sign language like hello and goodbye. But they had a whole different type of sign language. It was remarkable what they were doing, one held onto the marble floor of my balcony, another held onto his feet and another held onto his feet until they were fully at the ground. I suppose they did their little foot attempt so they wouldn't make any noise. I watched as the one on the bottom helped the next and then they caught the third and so on until all eight were on the ground. Again they made signs with their hands, only I think I could understand this one. If I was correct the leader was telling the others to gather up fools playing Star Trek. I was wrong.

They didn't come to save them; they came to finish off what the sniper had failed at. They went up to the fools one by one making it seem like they were meant to help only then did they strangle each and every one of them with a rope. I quickly noticed the one whom was shot hadn't been strangled yet. I quickly yelled telling him to move. Bad move number 2: when I yelled the eight men had also heard me, so quickly the wounded man began to scramble away. The leader had the other seven go after me, I quickly noticed the leader pull out a pistol, I didn't know what would happen if he shot, considering I was never the violent type, I have always enjoyed the peace and quiet, and I would sit in my study and read for hours a day. I ran back into my home and slammed my door shut. I locked it just to be sure, I heard the wounded man begin to yell for help, I was too startled to do anything, I could have called the police but I didn't know if I should have, these men were doing business and I didn't want to be a part of it."

"Sounds to me like you had one heck of a day wouldn't you agree? Tell me how did you make it out of there alive?"
"Terrified I made a dash for the front door which was thankfully unlocked, I opened it and began running down the nice pavement driveway. The seven men were looking for me when I heard crashing and banging. I knew what I didn't want to do but I knew what I to do it if I wanted to live, I ran for the woods, I ran past trees and woodland creatures only when I noticed that one of the men in black was running only a few yards away from me. I made a quick turn to the right, heading towards the road where I ran into the road and you picked me up."
"Quite the story."
"Yes, I agree but I am just glad it is over."
"Would you be so kind of to grab my gloves from the back seat, my hands are getting cold."
I turned around to grab the man’s gloves, when I noticed a hockey mask and a full body black leather suit....... Just as the man had said, quite the story.

Midget Football

The warm breeze of the summer air rushed against my face. The ball in mid air my feet already taking their steps back. Now with the ball in hand I quickly reposition myself to throw, just as quickly the sound of feet trembles though out my head. Quickly I begin to through the ball. Ten yards, twenty yards, nearly thirty yards, the ball was intercepted. Anger forces me to make a dash, I drive myself though the defense and make the sack. Now with the ball almost hitting the ground; I reach for it. Barely catching it with one hand I quickly realize that my body was and still is crushing the poor fellow under me. I stand up, glance down at him and quickly begin to run in the opposite direction. I can’t help but to think that what I did had been wrong but I had to go for the touchdown. I quickly pass the forty yard line, then the thirty, twenty, ten, five, one… right then the moment of truth. Less than a few feet away my legs begin to feel as if they were flying, as did my body and the rest of me. As it turned out a bystander had tackled me at the one yard line. Although this was an extraordinary tackle my body goes flying into five yard line. I smile appears upon my face as this “midget” if you will, had just tackle my heavy 172 pounds of muscle, fat, and excitement. I begin to laugh as my body crashes to the Earth. Just the thought of this little person sacking me had made even my funny bone begin to hurt. I had assumed it was just a person from the school only about a quarter mile away. I was wrong. The kid I had sacked turned out to be this guy’s son. My smile gets even bigger I lay on the rough grass and dirt as a little trickle of blood comes from my nose. Quickly everyone attempts to get the person off of me. No one was able to. Once I realize that this actually hurts I set the football down and begin to lift the man of my chest. My arms almost perfectly straight, I toss the man to the opposite side of the football. I glance to see that the man is barely half of me. I laugh even harder as the man gets up and tries to apologize. I extend my arm letting him now that all he has to do is pull me for me to except his apology. At first he had struggled to lift me up but eventually his son and a few friends had joined. I quickly balance myself helping them pull me up. Once up my hand still holding the bystanders I throw him to the ground and begin to laugh even louder than before. I fall to the ground laughing at the fact that this person had just tackled me at the one yard line. =3